Monday, April 15, 2013

A Hard Time Understanding...

I am not the most religious of people but I do believe.
I believe in God, and right now I am having a very hard time understanding what he is doing.
I am not often one to seek guidance from God or really believe that he has your whole life planned for you but right now I am looking to him for an explanation.

Ya know the saying that God never gives anyone more than he thinks they can handle?
I'm  having a really hard time understanding and ultimately believing it's true.

You remember the post I wrote about Kev's cousin Chris passing away: here?
Well the family, and his immediate family specifically is suffering another tragedy.
Kev's uncle Phil (who is the husband of Chris's mom, Mary, and Chris's step dad) was in a terrible car accident.
So terrible he's been in the ICU in an induced coma for several days.
He broke his back and is paralized from the chest down so he is not able to breath on his own.
He's got many other complications and on top of it all he had a heart attack a couple weeks ago.
Due to all of these factors the doctors are unable to operate or help him without potentially making things even worse, or killing him.

Because of this the family has decided to let him go.
Mary (and her family) is going to have to say goodbye again to another person they deeply love with their whole being.

I am not sure I believe that God did have anything to do with what happened to Phil, or even Chris.
What is the purpose of putting Mary and the rest of the family through these tragedies?!
Why would he take such a young life, and then a life of someone who does so much good for his family and the community (he's a sheriff)?
 I'm starting to think that this was the devil, the devil made it happen but God is going to be there for us, the living, was there for Chris when he got to Heaven, and is with Phil now and will walk with him hand in hand into paradise.

Phil is a great man.
He's a family and community man through and through.
He's hard working and honest.
He was fun, you'd find him and Mary with friends and family everyday!
He never said much but you knew he was listening, observing, and when he did speak it was right.
Phil & Mary at Easter this year - just a couple weeks ago.

We don't know what is going to happen and even then part of me is torn.
I don't want him to give up fighting for his life because everyone wants and needs him here.
I don't want him to keep fighting though if he's suffering.

I hope that we all can get an understanding of why this happened sooner than later.
There is a lot of healing that needs to be done but so many questions with no answers.
I don't feel like I should be focusing on my feelings about it all now though, I just had to get it out.
For now my focus is on praying for Phil and supporting Mary.
For now we just need to make it through.


Jessie said...

Sending prayers for all of you! I don't understand why bad things happen to good people. Like you I too think it has to be the devil. So much for one family to endure!

Life With Lauren said...

I am so very sorry and I know right now that does not mean much. I do believe things happen for a reason and the he doesn't give us more than we can handle even if sometimes we don't think we can or even understand why. I will be praying for you all.

Jackie said...

I am so so sorry. Many prayers and positive thoughts being sent your way and to the family.

Sara Silva said...

I'm sorry about the losses. Through these losses we learn our strengths. Sometimes there are logical reasons for death, and sometimes there isn't. Some people die holding on to the past. I know it's a sad time for everyone, but soon there will be an opportunity to choose to wallow in the pain or move forward. It's good to have family around to help through the pain, and I know you will be a part of the strength they need to do that.

Alyssa Whitt said...

Gosh. Can't imagine. So sorry for your family's loss.

osmr said...

Hang in there sweets. If anyone ever knew why these things happen, the world would be a much different place. The picture of them is such a good one!! They are captured in time in a happy moment - one Mary can always look back on and appreciate. Frame it for her and tell her you love her. She can look at it and know she was loved and that she was lucky to have had this wonderful man in her life. Even if it wasn't for as long as she wanted. I'm holding the whole family in my thoughts and prayers.

KayLynn said...

Prayers going up for you and your family.

Shane Prather said...

:( :( :( Never will it ever make sense to me.

Ashley said...

There really aren't words right now for me to say that could even offer you comfort. But, please know, I sometimes feel the same way too. I do believe in God and often seek his guidance in my life, but I still do not understand things all the time.
hugs being sent to you!

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